The Echo Chamber - My lovely liar

               There is a limit to pain but no limit to fear. 

It all started with the inner organ known as the heart which sometimes betrays us if we aren't careful. I was flying back to my home country with my cousin brother then I met this guy so handsome, with all the charm ladies would want in man and yes, I usually hear people mention their love at first sight and to me it didn't make much sense until I met him. I fell so in love, but I had to keep myself calm and be a green snake under green grass. Our lucky city was in Ethiopia where we had a layover of over eight hours so it was now time for us to dine, and we had to go down to the lobby then get instructions on how our meals would go. 

In that instant moment the handsome guy came to the lobby too then abruptly my cousin brother started chitchatting with the guy whom I would like to name as my "Prince Charming". Time passed and we all decided to take a stroll together so as to easy our minds which gave my prince charming a chance to talk to me. We vibed so much like never before I mean I doubt even if people who have known each other for a long time would vibe like we did. We exchanged contacts, took pictures, later on he came to see my room, and I also went to see his room in which we took pictures again. 

After all was done, he accompanied me back to my room and then went back to his room. On the next day we woke up early in the morning preparing for our next flight and we met again the dining area where he came to where I was sitting with my brother then he said "Take good care of yourself and be careful out there", with the fact that I was overwhelmed I wanted to respond to him but I said something so funny and embarrassing, "Thank you I will always keep that in mind surely we will fornicate", honestly thus not what I wanted to say but now that thus what had come out my mind oh no that was so embarrassing and of course he was shocked but I could see that he really understood me. The previous night we had talked for a long time and how people end up misbehaving for money so instead me saying something positive instead I gave a negative image of myself of which elaborating myself was of no use it's something that had already been said the list I could do was help everyone who had me say that laugh then he left us. 

After he left, I really wanted to clutch onto him, but I had to keep myself composed and keep my dignity. You know that moment when you just previously said something so disgracing and you ae trying to keep your little image you have in hand, but truth be said that trip was o elating though I felt dejected to see him leave my sight. We both flew to our home countries, and we started chatting after we had settled. 

Abruptly I felt so comfortable and felt that sense of comfort with him which I really didn't understand myself it was just a sophisticated feeling. I started delivering a silent soliloquy on the merits of getting out of bed which later on I had to ask my mom to elaborate to me the feeling was just off color and once bitten twice is shy. In the past I was hurt and developed a serious cynicism behavior towards the people I develop feelings for. 

Mommy gave me some advice, "Baby girl listen to me, love is a collaborative performance art piece where both artists are secretly worried the other is faking it so just follow your passion! vs. the grind". Believe me when I say it didn't make any sense to me at all, but I kept mimicking her words trying to get a better understanding of her words.  

I had a self-introspection and finally understood that I also deserved to give myself chance to be exposed to love and stop blaming myself and hindering myself from great things just due to what happened to me before. It was a very shiny day when he called me and this was what he said, "I decided to declare my love, consequences be damned", I took a pause as I was filled with so much disbelief of what I had heard. We hanged up our call.

You know it's true when they say life is like clouds in the sky, to meet to part thus destiny. All my concerns how we would meet and stuff yep, I would say that was just me scared of losing him even before I started dating him. We started dating and truth be said those were just my nine days of wonder only.  If I could stop time, I would have done that because he played a very and significant role in life.

My prince charming was just some sort of God given gift because with him I managed to get over all the pain I had in me. I was deeply wounded but he was there to help me believe and trust in myself that I could do anything alone without anyone stopping me as long as that makes me happy. 

It came time for us to resume for school ad guess what we were both pursuing our degrees in the same country but different states which made it easier for us to visit each other whenever we could. It felt like the whole world was revolving around me until we started having conflicts about him having a female best friend whom he would also exchange clothes with. 

When I discovered this, I was deeply hurt regardless the fact that it was him who made me know about this and yes of course I scolded him for that but all he could say was, "Do you think I could have done something with her yet come and teel you about our day today". 

I was filled with so many doubts in me because before I was once fool played in the name of best friend which made it even hard for me to believe his words and with him, we had agreed to never keep opposite gender too close to us. The previous week he had sent me a love message with some his cousin's name on that one I tried understanding but things kept escalating in way that I didn't know how to take control of. 

It is true when they say you can't control what happens to you, but you can control the frame of your thoughts. I tried so hard getting over the negative biasness, but I couldn't help it. We started having more conflicts until it got to a point of him losing interest in me because he felt I was no longer good enough for him and he broke up with me with excuse that I don't respect him at all. 

The first days it happened I was in so much agony, but I had to pull myself together and be strong for myself otherwise life won't stop moving because you are hurting but what matters is how you tackle the pain so taking good care of myself and bring back a smile on my face was worthwhile in it all. We don't live experiences anymore; we mimic the framing of them for a jury of peers.

In as much as he wishes to get back with me, I find it hard to trust him again because I still don't understand what the main reason for our conflict was, so I find it hard to trust him again no matter how much I love him because when you truly love yourself never compromise yourself or your value just for someone especially when they will never appreciate you. 

First love yourself and respect yourself then people will do the same. If you fail to value yourself then prepare to be a steppingstone for everyone you come across. This was the worst experience for me but guess what "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' So far, I'm mostly just scarred and suspicious. 

My advice to you all is whatever situation you may go through or no matter how much life makes you feel small keep moving and hope for the best never give up. Let's not count our eggs before they hatch otherwise it will hurt even more but be careful not be too skeptical otherwise you will miss great things out there.  

 Every trail tells a story - let nature be your narrator